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In a funny way, drug addicts and alcoholics are some of the luckiest people around. Addiction brings only pain – but that pain, through the recovery process, sometimes births true self knowledge and the courage to truly live. The considered life is a happy life. Living a considered life means appreciating life, and working towards a life you appreciate – and although conceptually simple, it's a rare thing. It takes understanding and courage, and it takes effort. Most of us live reactionary lives - Frenzied, busy lives; stuck on our paths, too busy or scared to think about change. The addicted life epitomizes reactionary living. It's an extreme knee-jerk case, and so it brings us deep unhappiness. Some of us, when it gets bad enough, take a courageous step and get some help. We don’t know what we need, but we know that we've got isn’t it. We walk into that meeting or that hospital, yearning for change, and ready to listen. And if we do listen, we are taught the most important truths of all.

Addiction Treatment - Self-Knowledge, Courage and Spirituality

Addiction treatment, at its best teaches us real personal honesty, it demands true courage, and it prompts emotional and spiritual growth. Teaching us who we are and what we want – and how to get there. Teaching us that change takes courage and determination, but that the rewards can be great, and teaching that however we define it, that we all exist within the spiritual realm, in part, and through spiritual self-knowledge comes peace. We walk into treatment to learn how to live right, and we walk out having learned how to live happy. And that's why we are so lucky to be drunks or junkies or what-have-you, because we are given a golden opportunity. Someone is going to show us the secret to happiness and unlike most people at most points in their lives - we are ready to listen!

Addiction Treatment and the Secret to Happiness

We would all like to leave this earth having few regrets, having no thoughts of time wasted and happiness squandered. Yet few of us are willing to look seriously at what makes us happy, and even fewer have the courage to strive towards happiness in life. And that’s because it's hard! Some of us periodically consider our happiness, deeply; but it takes real effort to make the kind of changes that are needed to live an honest and considered life – and since life as we know it already demands so much from us, few of us can spare the time. Addicts in recovery are given the time, in fact they are often pushed into the process. Not many are given a month or two to work on emotional growth, free from other responsibility or worry – addicts in recovery are given a gift.

Personal Honesty

Reactionary living has us blame other people and other things for how we feel and how we act. How we feel actually comes from inside, and so when we feel bad and we react against the world, we never change the source of our true discontentment. Considered living has us recognize that we control how we act, and to a large extent, how we feel. When we feel bad, we recognize the discontent as internal, and take steps that will change how we feel, and will lead to greater happiness. But to live this honest and considered life, we need to have an honest understanding of our strengths, and more importantly, of our weaknesses. Addiction treatment demands that we look at ourselves through new, and less distorted lenses. Something is clearly wrong, and we need to figure out how we are contributing to the problem – and whether it is through the 12 steps, and a personal inventory, group therapy or individual therapy; a large part of any addiction treatment is focused on gaining self awareness. It's often painful, and sometimes when we get to know ourselves a little bit better we don’t much like whom we meet, but it's necessary, and once we gain a better understanding of our natures, we are granted the opportunity to improve ourselves.

Courage

We are brave to varying degrees, but courage takes practice and determination, and it's something you can get better at.

• It takes a great deal of courage to admit that you have a problem - that you are powerless to control yourself, and to reach out for help. It's a very tough thing for most of us to do.
• It takes courage to make amends. To approach people you have wronged and to try to make things right, knowing that some of them are justifiably angry with you, and not knowing what to expect.
• It takes courage to look at yourself warts and all, and to reveal your true nature to others.

Recovery is a succession of steps, all requiring courage – and the funny thing is, after a while it makes us courageous! The considered life takes courage too. There is no sense in knowing yourself and understanding what makes you happy, if you don’t have the courage to make changes. Quitting a job that makes you miserable takes courage, finding real love takes courage; living as you are and not how others say you should be - takes courage. Living the life you want on your terms is the only kind of life that makes any sense, but so many never do. Through recovery we find the courage to change.

Spirituality

We exist in the mind and in the body. Yet there's more, we exist also on a spiritual plane – but figuring out this third part of our being takes a little effort. Spirituality can mean religion or it can mean god, but it doesn’t have to – and many self professed religious people aren’t all that spiritual. Spirituality can be understood as an experience and understanding of our place in this greater universe. At a very basic level, the interaction of body and mind together creates something larger than the sum of its parts. And learning to appreciate and understand the body-mind effect can lead to a greater understanding of our existence on a more metaphysical plane. Recovery activities like meditation or yoga attune us to this interplay. In many recovery programs, we go searching for God - or at least, God as we understand Him, as well. And finding something larger than yourself, with the power to help you, can bring a lot of peace. We are spiritual beings. Humanity and the human experience has always been an oscillating quest for pleasure, power or spirituality. However you define it – spirituality is real, and coming to understand how you fit in the universe inures you from a lot of the inconsequential unhappiness's of the unconsidered life.

Recovery Is for Life – and or Happiness

We create so much pain while using or drinking, that it hardly seems fair that we are also granted this opportunity for such lasting peace and happiness. But we are and we should be grateful and seize this opportunity – make up for time wasted and live a life that will leave no regrets.

Anyone who quits drinking or drugging, no matter who they are or how determined they are, comes to a point in recovery when the cravings to use or drink just seem overwhelming. And a lot of people (when they hit this point) do take a drink, or ten or 50 - For a lot of people, this is the end. The urge to drink or use drugs can consume us, and when it gets bad, we can think of little else. It feels like these urges will never end. We doubt we'll have the strength to fight them for long, and since we feel like we'll never succeed in the end, we can think of nothing else but using and we feel a craving so strong it's almost physical – a lot of us just give in to what feels inevitable anyway. One of the hardest things about overcoming an addiction is dealing with the weight of a lifetime of sobriety. Forever feels like a long time, and when things are hard, forever feels way too long. And it is for this reason, that there is real truth and strength in the AA mantra of one day at a time. Forget about staying sober for life, juts worry about today. Stay sober for today, and that's good enough – and the great thing is, add enough of those "today's" together, and it just gets easier after a while. When relapse threatens, when you’re having a really tough time, and when you're two seconds away from taking that drink…even staying sober for the rest of the day can seem an impossible goal. Break it down! You don’t need to worry about staying sober for the rest of the say – just think about staying sober for the next 10 minutes! Anyone can delay a drink for five minutes. Distract yourself, make yourself a sandwich, walk around the block once, do ANYTHING BUT DRINK. Urges, even the strongest of urges, are transitory things, and they will pass. There may be another one coming down the pipes, but deal with it when it comes, just as you dealt with the last. If you can wait 10 minutes, you will find that more often than not, the urge subsides, and things seem a little less crazy. Things get easier in time, and we all go through a rough patch every now and again. Don’t worry about tomorrow; think only of the here and now. It seems too easy, but it works!

Remembering the good times… We all do it, when we look back, we always seem to remember the good times; and those tough times (although remembered) don’t seem as vivid as those happy memories and good experiences. Parents remember those first few toddling steps with greater intensity than those sleepless nights, and we remember the friends and excitement of high school more than we do the social insecurity. It's human nature, and for the most part, it's a good thing. But for recovering addicts or alcoholics, this kind of nostalgic thinking gets us into trouble. Relapse can happen for any number of reasons, but at the root of a lot of slips are a combination of overconfidence ("I've got this thing beaten now…a few drinks won’t hurt me anymore") and reminiscent thinking. Remembering all of the good times we had while drinking, all of the fun and laughs, and minimizing the negatives. Truly a dangerous mental combination for anyone in recovery! If you quit drinking or drugging, you did it for a reason, probably a pretty good one. People don’t, as a rule, quit drinking or drugging until the negatives start to outweigh the positives, and outweigh them by a lot. And while it's true that getting drunk or high with friends, hitting the club or a sharing a bottle of good wine with dinner were sometimes very enjoyable, for those of us with substance abuse problems, there were terrors lurking beneath the surface, and we do well to remember these. Most of us don’t quit until we feel the pains of our addiction. We all have our personal reasons for making a change and change isn’t easy, it usually takes some pretty strong motivation to overcome our using inertia. What made you stop? Now write it down. Seriously, if you are in recovery, write down what made you decide you needed to stop. Make a list of the harms that your drinking or drugging was causing, the things that finally forced you to concede of a need for abstinence. And whenever the past starts calling, whenever those good times start to outweigh the pains in your mind's eye, take a look at your list - and remember. Here's my list: 1…People were obviously losing respect for me, to my face, and that was very painful - especially painful because I knew that they were right to think less of me. 2…I was 60 pounds overweight, looked 10 years older than I was and every day I endured a terrible hangover. I was on pace for an early grave. 3…I was useless for my family; too hung-over in the day to play with my kids, to busy getting drunk at night to help out. 4…My business was suffering. I didn’t have the energy to make it better. 5…My kids were starting to notice what their dad was. And there's more of course, but that's enough for me. I've got it written down, and whenever I start thinking of the past through rose colored glasses, I just have a quick read of my list (I've got it in my wallet!) and I remember. It's uplifting too! Remembering the truth about how bad things were makes me truly grateful for how things are now – and it keeps me very motivated to never go back to what I was, and what I did. Don’t fall into the trap. Make a list (and check it twice!) - You are better off now than you were when you were drinking or drugging. Don't get fooled - stay sober, and stay happy.

Lord help me be the kind of person my dog thinks I am Ran across this quote the other day, and I can't think of a better ambition for life than that! My dog thinks I'm kind, generous (except with the doggie treats, which he must think I hoard miserably) wise and a whole lot of fun to be with. I can’t think of anyone else in this world who thinks quite as highly of me as my dog. I gotta admit my inspiration is coming from some odd sources these days, but hey, I'll take it where I can get it…(God works in mysterious ways?). So for today, I'm going to try to live up to these lofty doggy ideals of perceived conduct. I'm going to try to be as kind and wonderful to all as he thinks I am. I'm going to try on wisdom for a change by talking half as much and listening a whole lot more, and when I have something negative to say, I won't. I'm not going to drink too -he honestly doesn’t have strong feelings on this one - but I'm going to add it on the list. I'll try it on for today, and see how it fits, and maybe tomorrow too. I won't be what he thinks I am, but if I can get halfway there, I'd be twice what I am now!

Sober Living Environments

An often overlooked form of residential care is the sober living residence. Most often used as a transitional phase after detox or after rehab, some people find benefit and sobriety through a direct entry into such a facility. Sober living environments are almost universally very low cost, and a majority do not ask for any money upon admission, although within a reasonable length of time you are expected to find employment and contribute a small monthly rental payment.

These facilities work therapeutically through peer support, very structured rules of living and of conduct, enforced sobriety and a temptation free area of residence and through compulsory and intensive participation in AA or another form of 12 steps programming.

These homes generally only ask that you abide by the rules, attend meetings and don’t use drugs or drink; and you can basically stay as long as you'd like. There are many thousands of sober living homes throughout the nation, and unlike low cost rehabs, these often do not maintain a waiting list.

A great many lingering myths about addiction pervade our perceptions of the disease, and these myths are universally unhelpful to those struggling with disease, and in some case propagate the negative stigma too often attached to those that do successfully beat their disease.

Addicts do not have to hit rock bottom before initiating a treatment, and waiting until that terrible time comes almost invariably makes the ultimate task of recovery that much harder. Alcoholics and addicts also do not need to initiate treatment of their own accord, and those mandated to treatment through the courts, through the workplace or out of familial pressure do just as well as those who seek help on their own.

But perhaps most damaging is the myth of addiction as an illness related to willpower.

It's easy to understand the roots of the perception, and for those people not addicted to any form of drugs or alcohol, the use of these substances is a matter of conscious control, and although these substances may sometimes tempt, we can control our impulses out of an exercise of willpower.

But once use and abuse progresses to addiction, there are physical changes in the brain and these changes remove willpower or any form of conscious awareness from the cravings and impulses that lead to use. Addiction occurs within the mesolimbic dopaminergic systems of the brain, and the cravings that emerge from this area of the brain are not at all under conscious control.

Addiction has a mind of its own

Addiction truly has a mind of its own, and the actions and impulses on a preconscious level prompt much of the seemingly decisive behaviors of the addict or alcoholic, and because these impulses exist preconsciously, it can be very difficult for recovering alcoholics or addicts to exert any form of control over their drug seeking behaviors.

It is for this reason why abuse is so much easier to treat than addiction and why addiction entrenches so firmly even in the face of persistent therapeutic attempts to better it.

For the best chance of bettering addiction, recovering addicts need pharmacological intervention…drugs that operate on this preconscious level and reduce the impulses and cravings to use. They also need to learn behavioral strategies that influence the frequency of the occurrence of these pre conscious impulses, and learn to recognize more consciously when these impulses emerge, and learn strategies to control and manage these impulses.

Will, not willpower

Labeling an addict or alcoholic as weak or lacking in willpower is misleading and inaccurate, and does not accurately reflect the challenges inherent in a battle with recovery. There is an element of determination and will that comes into play throughout recovery, but this is not be confused with willpower over use.

Will to recover means having the determination and commitment to participate fully in the therapies, education and difficult life changes that have proven effective at managing these pre conscious impulses, and maintaining a vigilant awareness over the mental processes learned to influence these cravings to abuse.

It takes a lot of will to recover but it doesn’t take willpower; willpower is irrelevant. We should be celebrating those people who have the courage and strength to change their lives for the better, instead of chastising them for their weakness and lack of willpower.

The 12th step of the 12 steps of AA, "Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics and to practice these principles in all our affairs" is narrowly defined as helping other alcoholics to see the light, and helping them using the knowledge you have gained to better their own lives, and their own addictions. But even if you do not subscribe to the AA methodology of recovery, the essential meaning behind the principle assists anyone in a battle with sobriety. Essentially, once you have achieved a goal of sobriety, you have a duty to help others achieve their goals of a better life. All of us who have spent time as alcoholics or drug addicts have acted in ways that created harm to the people and the communities around us, and all of us have some responsibility to take steps to erase some of the harms we have done by giving back. You need not necessarily give only through helping other addicts to overcome addictions, although that is a very worthy task, but in any way that benefits the community as a whole. You also need to act altruistically, without thought of personal gain, and only motivated through assistance to others. Of course although you need to act out of a concern and motivation for others, as you give, you also get, and those people who take the time after sobriety to ensure that they give generously back to the community are far more likely to remain sober. Volunteer your time 3 ways it helps keep you sober Meaningful acts 1) Volunteering to help those in need always gives meaning to our lives, and by extension to our sobriety. Knowing that others rely on our wisdom and assistance can give incentive against temptations, and strengthen us in our personal battles with an addiction. Time away from temptation 2) When you're helping, you're not drinking. One of the greatest threats to initial sobriety is free time. Most of us entering into sobriety after a long history of addiction have forgotten how to have fun, and how to fill the hours without getting drunk or getting high. And although most people come to love the clarity and bodily health of sobriety, there are always moments of boredom that threaten our will and our commitment, and enough boredom is a significant predictor of relapse. Keep busy by getting involved in a charity or organization meaningful to you, and feel better as you fill your time with worthwhile activities…activities that keep you too busy to think too much about getting back to use and abuse. Sober friendships 3) Benefit from a sober friendship support network. In addition to not knowing how to fill free time without using, a lot of us come out of rehab knowing we can no longer spend time with abusing friends, but not really having any other replacement friends for companionship. Loneliness does influence relapse, and a great way to get out and meet sober living people is through the act of volunteering your time. The people volunteering in the community are a source of sober and supportive friendships, and these people are ready and wanting to meet and work with you for the common good. Never let loneliness trigger despair, your next sober friend is as close as the local good cause. Do good, stay sober…what more can you ask for?

Although addictions professionals agree that group therapy works best when participants share a common history and background, it can be difficult to find drug treatment where you need it, when you need it, and that you can afford...that also perfectly reflects your needs. Any immediate treatment is far preferable than waiting for elusive perfection, and since all people struggling with abuse and dependency share if nothing else a history of addiction and drug seeking behaviors, our similarities may be greater than they might at first glance appear. People tend to benefit most from peer group therapies when involved with a group of people with whom they identify and sympathize; thus the closer in age, sexual orientation, gender and experience, the better. Peer support and peer cognitive learning groups are a hallmark of drug treatment, and thus it makes some sense to search out treatment groups displaying as similar a cross section of members as is possible. Ultimately though, although we may differ in many ways, all of us entering into drug treatment share at least one major thing in common. In some situations shared and common experiences are of utmost importance, and an adolescent user is unlikely to benefit much from a group of older and experienced people, with very distinct issues and with a very different set of experiences and world views. Likewise, very elderly seniors often feel more comfortable within a group of like peers; and some gays, lesbians and bisexuals do not feel comfortable discussing their sexuality and how it factors into substance abuse in a heterogeneous group. But for most people, the realities of available drug treatment facilities mean that the likelihood of encountering a group of people sharing greatly similar life experiences is slim. Thankfully, although we may differ greatly in our upbringings, our socio economic status' and our sexual orientations, we all share something far greater than these, and that is our shared history of addiction and substance abuse; and that I think makes us all far more similar than we might otherwise appear. Additionally, while some people may greatly prefer a group of more similar people to share testimonies and support, the efficacy of the therapy as offered may not vary much, and preferences may have more to do with a comfort level at entry. While clinical studies show that the elderly benefit about equally from age specific therapy or general adult treatment, they prefer greatly to recover with a group of like peers. I went through two rehabs, and very surprisingly to me, I identified and bonded most closely to one person in each group with whom I shared almost nothing superficially in common, and with whom I would have been very unlikely to ever meet within my social circle. What we shared in our addictive histories proved to be far greater than how our lives had superficially differed up to that point, and these two remain friends and confidants of mine to this day. So when choosing a rehab facility or drug treatment support group, try to find the one that seems to offer as close a group of peers as you can find; but if all you have access to is a completely disparate and very different group of addicts in recovery…give it a try, and you might find that what you share is greater than what seemingly separates. Don’t choose a facility because its patients look, act and think like you do…choose one that fits your needs, and that offers quality and comprehensive care. You too may find a retired bayou shrimper and a lesbian lawyer (my two now great rehab born friendships) of your own, that give you support and inspiration, and help you stay sober day by day. Ultimately, although we all search for perfect drug treatment, perfection can be hard to find; and any drug treatment is better than no drug treatment.

When I consider how many shameful things I did while I was abusing alcohol, it's sometimes hard to sleep at night. But I take some solace in the fact that although I am responsible for all that I did, it's as if I wasn't even a fully conscious participant in my own life at that time. I was there, but the booze was definitely leading the way, and I followed meekly behind, never consciously questioning those actions that always left me able to drink as much as I needed to. I'm not a scientist, but I have to say that my personal experiences seem to correlate with research which indicates that there can be a cognitive perceptual shift during addiction, and this shift allows the addict to do many things that most of us would consider crazy. Looking back at my period of heavy drinking, I can see now how many of the things that I did were not appropriate, and were often even harmful, but at the time they all seemed like quite logical and normal things to do. I remember inviting some friends over for my daughter's fourth birthday party and consuming with 2 others 3 cases of beer during and after the party. I feel ashamed when I think about it, but at the time this seemed like a normal thing to do. I remember driving drunk…often, but I would only drive during about the first 8 or 9 beers, because I didn’t think I was actually intoxicated yet! I often said I had a sales meeting, and ended up meeting my friend the local bartender instead. I can't believe I never got fired, and I can see now how transparent my excuses must have been. I stole a bottle of whiskey from my sister's liquor cabinet as I was heading out the door after a visit. I don't even know why I did it, but I didn't think too hard about it either. I'm sure it didn't take them too long to figure out where the whiskey had gone! I could go on with an endless list of shame, but the point I'm trying to make is that none of these behaviors even seemed unusual or wrong to me while I was drinking. I can’t really explain it, but it's like I sort of turned down that little voice in my head that would otherwise have let me know how stupid, irresponsible and mean I was being. I wish I could explain myself better…but I think that anyone who has experience with a drug or alcohol dependency may understand what I'm talking about. I don't offer this post to excuse myself for my actions, and neither do I want to absolve addicts from their own responsibilities, but I would like to try to explain a little bit of what happened to me, and what I think happens to a lot of us during a period of addiction. We are in control, but we also aren’t quite thinking clearly. We're there but we aren’t. We are ultimately responsible for the pain we cause, but while using, we're not even completely aware why everyone seems so angry with us all the time. It's not an excuse for my past behaviors, but it is a partial explanation.

Common and normal, drinking dreams nevertheless leave me quite shaken; and I always awake with guilt and fear…and have a few moments of panic over my subconscious relapse. Most people well into sobriety will know what I'm talking about, and although commonplace and seemingly normal, these drinking dreams still scare the heck out of me; and I wake up after each vivid drinking dream filled with this overpowering guilt and fear, and it takes me good moment before I realize that it was all a dream. Drinking or drugging dreams are reoccurring experiences for many people in recovery, and they are almost universally scary and unsettling experiences. My dream is usually the same; and it's pretty mundane sounding…just me sitting on the couch with a few quarts of beer watching TV. Doesn’t sound too scary, but I can always taste the slightly bitter cool of the beer as if it were real, and that dream buzz feels pretty close to the real thing too. These dreams haunt me throughout the day, and leave me unsettled and pensive. Intellectually, I don’t believe that these dreams signify anything particularly disturbing; but emotionally they always get to me; and one thing that I can be sure of is that any day that begins with a dream drunk hangover will find me in a meeting before the sun goes down. I don’t think that these dreams will ever make me take that first sip, but a meeting feels like the right antidote to a subconscious relapse, and sharing my with my knowing friends in AA always puts my mind at ease. I've been sober for years, and I'm now resigned to the fact that I will live with periodic drunk dreams forever. Any addiction will come back to haunt you, and there's not much you can do about the directions your mind takes as you sleep. I think that all you can do is use each and every drinking or drugging dream as a subconscious reaffirmation of your need to remain vigilant, and remain active in whatever keeps you sober throughout the day.